One year later, I have failed.
That's okay.
Time to start again, right? How many times can I fail at the same thing?
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Excuses, Excuses
I've been trying to think of a good enough excuse to put here to validate myself, give a reason for why I have not written anything for a while, why another one of my projects/goals/whatever has gone to shit. The thing is, there's not a good one. Not even a half decent one, or amusing one that, while not really justifying my laziness, at least would give you a reason for a half-smirk.
It started within the last year or so...most recently since I turned 30. I just don't see the world the same anymore. I don't have much empathy for anyone, I keep reading the news which is a major factor in my discontent with humanity, and I've ceased to see much beauty in anything but my kids. Honestly. The poet who once loved to stand in the rain, sit beneath trees just to look at the sky, take photographs of nature.... It doesn't affect me anymore.
I see people killing people, killing babies, killing their own babies, and I cry for the children while my heart hardens a little more against everyone else. The parents who did it (I can fathom no sympathy for them nor empathy for whatever insanity they claim), the system who failed the children (and at the same time knowing that no system can prevent this travesty), and just people in general. I look at everyone with suspicion now who comes in contact with my children, even family.
I have the least amount of empathy for anyone I have ever had in my life. I gave some money to a man and woman standing outside HEB with their children the other day... The man was holding a sign that said he lost his job... Hard times. Yadda yadda yadda. I gave them money for their kids. Because I couldn't stand to think of the kids not eating. I can't say if it had been just the guy or just the woman standing there that I would have given them anything.
Add to that the feedback that someone left on one of my stories, because that was just fantastic and really...uh...boosted my writing confidence. Yeah....
In addition, I started playing some stupid game on my phone like, right after Christmas, and I've been zombified by it ever since.
Of course, there's the general "I've got three boys and a baby on the way, I work full time, I just don't have time to write" excuse, that I can use without fail as many times as necessary because it's valid, but in this case, it's just not true.
Nothing inspires me anymore.
It started within the last year or so...most recently since I turned 30. I just don't see the world the same anymore. I don't have much empathy for anyone, I keep reading the news which is a major factor in my discontent with humanity, and I've ceased to see much beauty in anything but my kids. Honestly. The poet who once loved to stand in the rain, sit beneath trees just to look at the sky, take photographs of nature.... It doesn't affect me anymore.
I see people killing people, killing babies, killing their own babies, and I cry for the children while my heart hardens a little more against everyone else. The parents who did it (I can fathom no sympathy for them nor empathy for whatever insanity they claim), the system who failed the children (and at the same time knowing that no system can prevent this travesty), and just people in general. I look at everyone with suspicion now who comes in contact with my children, even family.
I have the least amount of empathy for anyone I have ever had in my life. I gave some money to a man and woman standing outside HEB with their children the other day... The man was holding a sign that said he lost his job... Hard times. Yadda yadda yadda. I gave them money for their kids. Because I couldn't stand to think of the kids not eating. I can't say if it had been just the guy or just the woman standing there that I would have given them anything.
Add to that the feedback that someone left on one of my stories, because that was just fantastic and really...uh...boosted my writing confidence. Yeah....
In addition, I started playing some stupid game on my phone like, right after Christmas, and I've been zombified by it ever since.
Of course, there's the general "I've got three boys and a baby on the way, I work full time, I just don't have time to write" excuse, that I can use without fail as many times as necessary because it's valid, but in this case, it's just not true.
Nothing inspires me anymore.
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